Positivity, or pity?

This meme has been circling my facebook newsfeed lately.

I hate it. So much. I want to find the person who made this meme, and kick them in the pants.

How utterly and completely self absorbed. I don’t care if it’s true or not (I don’t think it is, I’ll come back to that later). Firstly, if you truly possess the heart you are claiming here, you will do unto others without expecting any particular treatment in return. Otherwise, you’re just trading favours, which is perfectly fine but doesn't qualify you to post this inflated opinion of yourself.

Second (secondly?), as someone very wise (PS, it was Alli E.) pointed out to me, we are so outraged when others wrong us, but how regularly do we make amends when we are the offenders? You have likely disappointed someone, knowingly or otherwise. We all have. That’s ok, just don’t pretend like it’s inconceivable.

I spend a lot of time in the company of other cancer patients and boy, let me tell you, we have a lot of options for things to complain about (like that time I sharted in my pants because chemo scrapes my gut like sandpaper and turns my insides to liquid!). We all gripe and groan to each other, because we all get it; it’s cathartic. There’s nothing wrong with venting/complaining/whatever from time to time, but I’ve noticed that there are two types of people: those who gripe with humour and those without. Complaining with humour helps me to see the silliness of it all, and to laugh at myself. Others laugh with me, sympathize/empathize with me, and I feel better for the sharing and the empathy. I find it also helps me to accept what is happening as fact, and move on to dealing with it. You are cultivating positivity in your life by finding the humour in situations you can’t control. Whenever I’ve just flat out complained, like this meme does, it cultivates pity, and implies that I somehow deserve less hardship or mistreatment than others. All of my friends will rush to sympathize about how horrible things in my life are, or how so-and-so doesn't appreciate/understand/whatever me. I try to feel better, but the crappy circumstance that made me complain haven’t changed, and I am certainly no closer to accepting or dealing with the hardship in a productive way. Maybe those who cultivate pity on a regular basis feel better after this, but I certainly don’t, and I bet they don’t really either.

So back to why I don’t think the  meme is true in the first place: I believe that for the most part, people DO respond in kind to generosity, but only if that generosity was selflessly given. If there was something in it for you, then why would that person be selflessly generous in return? I’m not saying there don`t exist black hole humans that suck energy and kindness without giving any back. They exist, I just don’t think they’re so rampant that this meme is even remotely representative. This meme is unfounded validation for your self pity.

Well, I’ve had rather enough of it. Here I am, busting my ass to cultivate positvity in a situation that (I’m going to go ahead and say) is probably worse than whatever prompted you to share that meme. Being positive is hard. Sometimes I need help, and even still I’m not always successful (Nick recently talked me down from a night-sweat-induced rage / nervous breakdown, and the other day I nearly yelled in frustration at some old people in a tai chi class...they were really slow...). But here you are, projectile vomiting all your negativity in public spaces where I have to see it and consequently deal with it! Stop it. Or keep it to yourself, you’re not helping the world. At all. In the words of that very wise person, “quitty with dat pity”.

Cultivate positivity in your life, or pity. The choice is yours and, despite the implications of this meme, has nothing whatever to do with the choices of others.